Pass it On

Last night my husband and I stole away for an hour-long, just-down-the-road mini date. That's what we usually resort to now. Our kids are at that tricky stage where they're old enough to babysit their younger siblings, but only under ideal conditions, yet too old to be babysat themselves. So last night the ideal conditions lined up. Luckily my three year old was very helpful in that regards. He was throwing up all day (the fact that the day before was Halloween is NOT a coincidence), and therefore was very happy to go to bed at 6:30. He even asked to go to bed, which never happens. This rare phenomenon is what prompted us to consider going out in the first place. He is the biggest trouble maker and the most difficult for my 11 year old to handle. Step one in creating ideal conditions: get three year old to bed. Check.

Step two is actually want to go on a date. This step can be difficult to accomplish when both of us are irritable and tired from an infant waking up all night. So step two was shot. But you already know we went out on a date, so basically we skipped step two. Because if the three year old is asleep, we'd be stupid not to go.

Step three is make the kids repeat these words: "we will not fight or get into trouble while you're gone." Then believe them and make a run for it. Step three is easy if you're willing to be in denial and deal with the consequences when you get back.

With everything seemingly in place, we loaded up the baby and took off. We went to a quiet Thai place, talked here and there, tried to feel excitement that we were out alone together with a baby. Pretty soon the phone started ringing and our kids informed us that Corbin woke up and he was not happy. We called the waitress over and asked for a box and our check. She smiled and said, "you're free to go any time. Your meal has been paid for." We dropped our jaws and asked her who it was. She said, of course, they wished to remain anonyous. But that's still the first question that comes out, right? She handed us a note from our benefactors: "This is a random act of kindness. Pass it on. God bless and have a great evening."

I was touched and surprised by this act of kindness. Many thoughts crossed my mind. My first thought was how easy it is to ignore each other and think only about our own lives. It takes an intentional and purposeful effort to look around and realize we share the world with a lot of people who have lives and struggles and worries too. Naturally I was reminded to notice other people better and actually pass it on as the note said. The second thought I had was that anonymity has a unique effect. It breaks down any subconscious biases that may exist against each other. It helps us see past a person's exterior and wonder, "was this the person that was so kind? Was that the person?" Anonymity grants the credit for the good deed to EVERYONE.

The free meal made our night. My husband and I were both touched by it. We felt important and that we mattered to someone. When someone goes out of his or her way to be so kind, you want to be kind back, to your spouse, your kids, yourself, a stranger. It was just what we needed that night to get over a slump. I even was very calm when we came home to spilled red gatorade all over the carpet.

We will pass it on and I'll write a post about it when I do!

This is True Love

In a care center not far from my home resides a unique woman. This woman is in her sixties. She has been in the care center since she was thirty. She had had a stroke that left her paralyzed except for a little movement in her hands and neck. She can talk with much difficulty. Most people don't have the patience to wait long enough for her to finish a thought, as her speech comes very slowly and painstakingly, and is laregly unintelligible to the hurried listener.

She receives visits from time to time from her childhood friend, my mother-in-law. During one of her visits, my mother-in-law said  to her friend, "I'm so sorry you've had such a hard life." In response, her friend replied, "I don't have a hard life. Everyone takes care of me and I don't have to do anything." What a wonderful attitude that must have been the product of the painful years of a personal refiner's fire. Her attitude is one of the things that make her unique. This is coming from a woman who has been in the care center for thirty-five years and counting. She has been in the care center longer than she hasn't. I would guess she doesn't have such a wonderful attitude all the time, but one simple statement in a brief conversation, especially in this situation, is powerful. It would have been very easy to start crying and say, "I hate this. Do you know how many times I've wished I could die?" Maybe she said that some at the beginning. But she didn't say it now.

Her nightmare started just days after she had given birth to her fifth child. As my mother-in-law unfolded the story about her childhood friend and I realized that this woman had been married and had children, I felt a strong sense of sorrow for her. She didn't get to raise her children. She was deprived of a life in the world of the living, where people take action and make things happen and live. My thoughts went next to the spouse she had had. I assumed they had divorced so that he could go on with his life. I asked about him, and to my surprise (and shame) she reported that they are still married and not only are they married, but he visits and reads to her every night. In the beginning he tried to take care of her in their own home, and, realizing that she needed around the clock care and that it was more than he was physically capable of providing, he moved her to a care center. But he didn't abandon her. He raised his five children alone. He took her to the temple once a week until her health wouldn't allow her to do so. But always he comes. Every day faithfully.

Recently this couple's family and friends organized a reunion in their behalf. My mother-in-law was in attendance and witnessed a formal honoring of this devoted husband. At the close of receiving what I imagine was an abundance of honor and praise, he stood to speak. He stated tactfully yet kindly, in so many words, that the honor bestowed upon him was unnecessary. "This is just what you do when you love someone." He said that though his wife may not be as outwardly beautiful as she once was, to him, she was beautiful. Besides the good attitude she chooses to have, her husband's love for her is the other thing that makes her unique.

Blessed is the man or woman who is the recipient of such devoted love, but ours is the choice to love someone so devotedly.